I stood. Stood in front of you. Cried like I've never cried before. My lips started to shake and the tears built up really fast. Loss of breath and soon I was on my knees. You watched me with those big blank, cold eyes. The truth came bursting out, finally without the lies. Maybe somewhere deep down you were hurting too, but in that moment, so drunk, so confused, you did not understand and I couldn't explain. In that moment, I thought I heard a plane crashing, but it was my heart cracking. Again.
We can sit, watch out of the window, close our eyes and fantasize all we want how things will be different someday, but this is today and it sucks. Yes, I will get over, eventually or maybe even really soon, but that doesn't make it hurt any less right now. I do not ask even for happiness anymore, just a little less pain.
But there is something about pain, that brings people together. When I cried, all I wanted was a support from you, but.. at the end of the day, I realized I had so much more. I had friends. They told me they loved me when I didn't really love myself. They didn't let me fall. They kissed me on the forehead when I was pretty much dying and shaking, didn't laugh at me when I was smoking a cigarette and it made me cough really badly.
But, my best friend. When I was on the street, drunk and confused, yelling that I can't live anymore, she gave me this painful bitch slap and told me to get my shit together. To put my shoes on, to get my coat and to run away with her as fast as I can. That's the love I have, that's the love I didn't expect. Never asked for and never wished for. That's the love we should all be thankful for and give it back as much as we can. Make sure we show it.
To waste another breath over you?
No, never,never,never.
Unless you asked me to.
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